Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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