This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
