I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The dick lei will go down in squad history
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
