Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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