Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
