so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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