I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We need to get me chipped asap
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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