It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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