I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you will always have a special place in my vag
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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