piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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