Christians are straight up FREAKS
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
