Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
not ubering you a puppy
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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