worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Acid is not a monday night drug
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
