Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
