Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
