There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
