Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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