I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
