why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
