eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
