none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
