wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
