If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
