We're facebook friends in real life
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
