where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
