Christians are straight up FREAKS
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
