dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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