If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
