He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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