We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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