So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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