The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
