her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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