I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
