dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
