come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she told me i tasted like america
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I wish there were birth control emojis
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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