walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i think i just lost a toe
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
