i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
