i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
