Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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