I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
