I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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