Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My vagina just recognized that song.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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