found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
