I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
