Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
