someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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