why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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