This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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