I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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