When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The Olympian is in my bed
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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