Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
