rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
