jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
